Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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