He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
