Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
