when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize