Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
