worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
