you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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