I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Mom said you looked used
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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