It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
