why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
