just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
