the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
