My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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