some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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