If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize