Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
