Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
