When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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