I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
