My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We are two peas in an std pod
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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