It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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