I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
