I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
