He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
