Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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