Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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