Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
