I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
lol hangovers are for mortals.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
