All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
