Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize