I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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