She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
