I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
