I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
