He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
