Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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