I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
