I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize