hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Panties = found
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