Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
