My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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