I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
