Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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