It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
