Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
