There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
