R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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