I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize