So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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