and next time when you feel me up, do it right
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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