Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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