you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
