my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
