I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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