its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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