The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
