Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
