Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
