dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
