Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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