The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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