The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
