I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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