so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
