so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
