6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
