I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
