I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
