Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
