two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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