So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
