oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
