Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
