walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
